M U S I C

This is my all-time favorite song.  I have long sought to numb my trauma and my depression and anxiety symptoms from my autism spectrum disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, and panic disorder through numerous psychotropics, most notably benzodiazepines (Ativan and Xanax) for 30 years I have been taking benzos for example.  The only drug that now works well for me are cannabinoids from cannabis / marijuana (CBD, THC, CBG, CBN, etc.)  Psychotropics work somewhat, but not as well as they used to.

This is my second favorite song.  All lines except "mother" applies to me.  My mother has been an a phenomenal mother; she, my maternal grandmother, and my aunt are pretty much the only family I have left.  My late father disowned me when I lived in metropolitan Orlando, Florida when I moved back in with my mother.  My younger brother and I are at odds with one another, I care about him but I am not sure he feels the same about me. And my late sister, if she did not blame me for my disregarding her vague suicide threat and leaving for Chattanooga the day before she took her life, I do.

This was my late sister's favorite song.  It reminds me of her.  Especially the "resonating light" line.

This is my friend Ian's favorite song.  And it also describes me well.  When I reflect upon my mid-life crisis (2015-2018) and how I wasted my life then, I am disappointed / ashamed of myself.  But now, I am a different person, I have turned a new leaf, I am a phoenix, and have been reborn.

My mother and my maternal grandmother saved my life, the former from a GI bleed, the latter from my fourth suicide attempt.

This is song that describes very well how I feel about my deceased family members and friends, especially my late sister.

And lastly, and quite a contrast to the last one indubitably.  This is what I imagine life to be like.  All my trauma....gone, in the blink of an eye.  Everything wrong in my life made right.  And all my goals I am attempting to achieve fulfilled.